“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."- Rumi
One of the most painful challenges we experience as humans is heartache from loss of love. Though this is the case, I believe the Universe throws this challenge and others our way so that we can heal the areas of our soul that need some extra loving. Maybe we have body insecurities and need to work on our self-acceptance, confidence, and especially self-love, or maybe we have fears around rejection and failure that need to be overcome, or perhaps we need to learn how to better care for ourselves during these tough times. Whatever the reason is for why you are experiencing these tough times, you are not alone.
I’ve had my share of heartache and tough times. I realize now that I go through these challenges to not only strengthen my personal foundation, but to also enable me to share my experiences and wisdom to help others heal as well. So even though the content of this blog post is personal, I know that we learn not just from our own experiences but from the experiences of others, so I’m sharing mine with you.
In the past year, I have loved and lost three times. I will spare you all the gory and dramatic details, but I basically went through three intense periods where I was heartbroken and desperately needed to heal my heart and thus myself.
Here are the lessons I've learned when it comes to love, loss, and healing:
Never, ever settle. Never ever compromise who you are for someone else. Someone will come along and love you just the way you are. There were definitely a few times when I feared the man of my dreams wasn’t out there so the thought of settling did cross my mind. However, I decided to believe that he IS out there because otherwise the alternative just seems too depressing!
No one can complete you but yourself. As a matter of fact, you are already complete, whole, and perfect on your own. You may not feel this way because you have things like negative thoughts, self-doubt, and your ego clouding your sense of wholeness and self-love (more on taming your ego here). So start being happy now by creating the life that you want. Up until a few years ago, I never felt complete because I didn’t have the courage to go after my dreams nor embrace my higher purpose. Now that I have overcome those fears, I have never been happier and more fulfilled in my life!
Forgive everyone. Better yet, find them faultless. One day I was praying and meditating when I realized I had to let it all go. I let go of my blame, bitterness, and resentment towards these men. I came to the conclusion that they never meant to hurt me, that they tried in the best way they knew how, and did not realize the impact of their actions. And that's when I realized there was nothing to forgive. So I let it all go. Afterward, I felt an overwhelming wave of gentle peace, calm, and compassion sweep over me that I hadn't felt in ages.
Thank them. Be grateful for the beautiful moments and memories you can cherish for the rest of your life. Thank them for sharing their hearts and souls with you. I always felt lucky to experience the euphoria and passion of being in love. It's one of the best feelings in the world and I have no regrets in retrospect.
Practice gentleness, compassion, self-love, understanding, patience, and no judgment towards yourself. It’s critical to take it easy on yourself when you are going through heartache or any other disappointment. Cherish yourself during this time and don’t feel bad or beat yourself up just because you have to take a break from you A-game for a bit. This was a tough concept for me to master because I am insanely driven and ambitious in my work. I would often give myself a hard time for not being done with getting over them already! But this mindset only prolonged my healing process. Once I started practicing self-compassion and no judgment, I was able to make it through faster and less painfully.Do not resist the emotions. Feel the sadness, the pain, and the grieving. Cry it out and don’t bottle it up! You've got to allow the emotions to run their course. Let the feelings flow but don't go into self-pity and "my whole life sucks" mode. Your ego loves to feed on these emotions to make you feel worse, so just be aware of your thoughts!
Also, try doing yoga to boost your sense of self-love and self-compassion. I had so many profound moments while on the mat: realizations of unconditional self-love, acknowledgment for how strong and resilient I was, and pure gentleness towards myself.
It's okay to take a day (or days) off from life. Do what you need to do to recover, heal, and recharge. Sit at home on the couch all day and watch movies if you have to. There were days when I’d feel so down and uninspired that I just couldn’t work. And then I would feel bad about it, which only made things worse. It’s hard enough healing these parts of your soul, there’s no need to make yourself feel worse by beating yourself up over it!
Shut your ego down. Your ego will want to look back with regrets. It will want to ask the "what-if'", or "why didn't I'" questions. e.g. What if things worked out? Why didn't I realize sooner he was a douche bag (yea, your ego isn't too kind)? Why didn't things work out? What if I wasn't so stubborn, would things have worked out? Make peace with the past, accept it, and move on. Read more on shutting down your ego here!
You deserve all the happiness and magic the Universe has in store for you. I have always believed that I deserved my dream business and life. But during this time a secret part of me questioned whether I deserved the man or relationship of my dreams. Thankfully I've now shaken that thought and know without a doubt that I deserve the relationship of my dreams and I refuse to settle for less!
You kick ass. It's not conceit or arrogance. It's about self-love and an appreciation for you and all you are. It's acknolwedgement of how far you've come and all you've been through, and despite it all you are still kicking butt! So remind yourself of this fact so you never settle for anything less than you deserve.
Remember, you are not alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's worth it to wade through the dark place in order to reach the light. Reach out to your friends and family for support and encouragement. And fill your life with beautiful things and loving people. You are stronger and more resilient than you can ever imagine!
You can reach The writer's website at http://www.coachchinh.com.
One of the most painful challenges we experience as humans is heartache from loss of love. Though this is the case, I believe the Universe throws this challenge and others our way so that we can heal the areas of our soul that need some extra loving. Maybe we have body insecurities and need to work on our self-acceptance, confidence, and especially self-love, or maybe we have fears around rejection and failure that need to be overcome, or perhaps we need to learn how to better care for ourselves during these tough times. Whatever the reason is for why you are experiencing these tough times, you are not alone.
I’ve had my share of heartache and tough times. I realize now that I go through these challenges to not only strengthen my personal foundation, but to also enable me to share my experiences and wisdom to help others heal as well. So even though the content of this blog post is personal, I know that we learn not just from our own experiences but from the experiences of others, so I’m sharing mine with you.
In the past year, I have loved and lost three times. I will spare you all the gory and dramatic details, but I basically went through three intense periods where I was heartbroken and desperately needed to heal my heart and thus myself.
Here are the lessons I've learned when it comes to love, loss, and healing:
Never, ever settle. Never ever compromise who you are for someone else. Someone will come along and love you just the way you are. There were definitely a few times when I feared the man of my dreams wasn’t out there so the thought of settling did cross my mind. However, I decided to believe that he IS out there because otherwise the alternative just seems too depressing!
No one can complete you but yourself. As a matter of fact, you are already complete, whole, and perfect on your own. You may not feel this way because you have things like negative thoughts, self-doubt, and your ego clouding your sense of wholeness and self-love (more on taming your ego here). So start being happy now by creating the life that you want. Up until a few years ago, I never felt complete because I didn’t have the courage to go after my dreams nor embrace my higher purpose. Now that I have overcome those fears, I have never been happier and more fulfilled in my life!
Forgive everyone. Better yet, find them faultless. One day I was praying and meditating when I realized I had to let it all go. I let go of my blame, bitterness, and resentment towards these men. I came to the conclusion that they never meant to hurt me, that they tried in the best way they knew how, and did not realize the impact of their actions. And that's when I realized there was nothing to forgive. So I let it all go. Afterward, I felt an overwhelming wave of gentle peace, calm, and compassion sweep over me that I hadn't felt in ages.
Thank them. Be grateful for the beautiful moments and memories you can cherish for the rest of your life. Thank them for sharing their hearts and souls with you. I always felt lucky to experience the euphoria and passion of being in love. It's one of the best feelings in the world and I have no regrets in retrospect.
Practice gentleness, compassion, self-love, understanding, patience, and no judgment towards yourself. It’s critical to take it easy on yourself when you are going through heartache or any other disappointment. Cherish yourself during this time and don’t feel bad or beat yourself up just because you have to take a break from you A-game for a bit. This was a tough concept for me to master because I am insanely driven and ambitious in my work. I would often give myself a hard time for not being done with getting over them already! But this mindset only prolonged my healing process. Once I started practicing self-compassion and no judgment, I was able to make it through faster and less painfully.Do not resist the emotions. Feel the sadness, the pain, and the grieving. Cry it out and don’t bottle it up! You've got to allow the emotions to run their course. Let the feelings flow but don't go into self-pity and "my whole life sucks" mode. Your ego loves to feed on these emotions to make you feel worse, so just be aware of your thoughts!
Also, try doing yoga to boost your sense of self-love and self-compassion. I had so many profound moments while on the mat: realizations of unconditional self-love, acknowledgment for how strong and resilient I was, and pure gentleness towards myself.
It's okay to take a day (or days) off from life. Do what you need to do to recover, heal, and recharge. Sit at home on the couch all day and watch movies if you have to. There were days when I’d feel so down and uninspired that I just couldn’t work. And then I would feel bad about it, which only made things worse. It’s hard enough healing these parts of your soul, there’s no need to make yourself feel worse by beating yourself up over it!
Shut your ego down. Your ego will want to look back with regrets. It will want to ask the "what-if'", or "why didn't I'" questions. e.g. What if things worked out? Why didn't I realize sooner he was a douche bag (yea, your ego isn't too kind)? Why didn't things work out? What if I wasn't so stubborn, would things have worked out? Make peace with the past, accept it, and move on. Read more on shutting down your ego here!
You deserve all the happiness and magic the Universe has in store for you. I have always believed that I deserved my dream business and life. But during this time a secret part of me questioned whether I deserved the man or relationship of my dreams. Thankfully I've now shaken that thought and know without a doubt that I deserve the relationship of my dreams and I refuse to settle for less!
You kick ass. It's not conceit or arrogance. It's about self-love and an appreciation for you and all you are. It's acknolwedgement of how far you've come and all you've been through, and despite it all you are still kicking butt! So remind yourself of this fact so you never settle for anything less than you deserve.
Remember, you are not alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's worth it to wade through the dark place in order to reach the light. Reach out to your friends and family for support and encouragement. And fill your life with beautiful things and loving people. You are stronger and more resilient than you can ever imagine!
You can reach The writer's website at http://www.coachchinh.com.
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