"Where should I go?" Thirty-Three on my Thirty-Third (33 on my 33rd)

“Where should I go?" -Alice. "That depends on where you want to end up." - The Cheshire Cat.” 
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

I think The Cheshire Cat was a Sufi. But then I'm mad like that and think so was the Madhatter. 
On this Solar Return, as the sun completes 33 of the its sprints of my life, I thought I'd scribble some (33) wonky things I learned over all these years.
In no order of preference or chronology, these are some of the things that I learned growing up through my adult life, when the going gets tough and rude awakenings surround you or someone lifts you up when you're least expecting and you are awestruck at the affection and kindness. Growing up after you're a grown up is where all thirty three of these might catch up with you.
Here goes...

1. I don't always know best
When I was 13, 17, then 20, 22, 24, 25, 30 and 32. I though tI have everything in the universe under control and everything is sorted in life. Meh. It so turns out, nothing ever is. Everything is in a constant state of change and nothing is ever "sorted" If it ever is, it's time to pop off. I mean we will get there when we get there but it usually isn't there till there is turmoil and chaos that needs to be sorted. It does have a way of sneaking back into your life when you are looking away.

2. No one always knows best
It so happens, no one else knows best either! You may come across the sage you can bet your life on but hold your horses before you roll that dice. They don't know too much either. Whether it's parents, teachers, older, younger, wise people who seem wiser than most and seem to have their shit together. Umm nah. No one knows anything best. They may be able to predict the way things MIGHT go in light of their life experiences and that might happen but it is game of probabilities, nothing more reliable than that and in that game I believe.

3. Sometimes, you gotta take bull shit
SO the world is brimming with BS. Really. It is. There's a lot of it all over the place and there comes a time that you start getting tired of fighting back. One word of advice. Conserve energy. Choose your battles. As cliched as it may seem this is something that will help you go a long way. Choose wisely and take some Bullshit with a nod and a (fake) smile sometimes. Doesn't matter. Let them win. 

4. If you keep telling yourself everything is fine, it actually is
The power of autosuggestion and positive vibes is as understated as it gets. If through bad times you keep telling yourself it's all good (while working towards making things better, giving it your 100%) it will turn out good. Of course sitting in a corner and fooling yourself it's all good when things are going wayward won't get you anywhere but along with struggle, the right attitude is what takes you over the edge and actually helps you score that winning point. Be thankful for every situation in life, good or bad and it will inevitably turn out better than you could've asked for. Tried and tested.

5. Sleep is important
Okay this baby… value it as much as you possibly can. Save it in a jar, a time capsule, if you can carry it into the future with you as you age, TAKE IT. It doesn't stay forever. Use alarms (only to switch them off if need be!), ear plugs, heaviest curtains available in town, anything it takes to sleep enough to keep you working. Anything between 7-9 hours is great. I'm bordering on 4 but been struggling to increase it, for the past ten years. Here's to the struggle!!

6. WATER is important.
If there is anything as important as sleep is for you, it is water, if not more. It is so essential for EVERYTHING that starts going wonky as soon as you cross 25-30 years of age, if you have this one thing figured and fixed, 8-10 glasses every day, etched in stone, you're sorted.

7. Must learn to say no
I can not emphasise enough to let you know how important it is to learn to say no. I am still working on it and I am MUCH better than where I was 5 years ago but girls (and boys. And the rest of the gang!) please pay heed. Everyone must know how and when to say no. You need not be rude but the importance of learning to be polite but firm while you beg to differ is an art worth its weight in gold. learn it. 

8. Most people are genuinely good. Find that goodness.
Nobody is perfect. Similarly nobody is a cent percent evil. Yes where toxicity outweighs the positivity, keep a safe distance but do strive to find that ounce of goodness or more in everyone you come across. You'll make buddies out of crazies but that's alright. You fine tune the distance according to your own one on one compatibility of course and in no way am I asking you to grimace, bearing negativity that you can't deal with but give people a chance.

9. Love thy enemy
My father always says "Smile, it confuses your enemy" I go a step ahead. Find reasons to love thy enemy. Their spite helps you distinguish and value kindness, their strike strengthens you to stand up and fight back. Loving one's enemy is easier than it is wound up to be. I promise. They teach us so much. After all they are just people who are horribly confused, no one wants to be the mean guy, circumstances lead people to do bad things. Good people do bad things all the time. Love thy enemy, from a safe distance if need be!

10. There are no guarantees. For anything. Except Apple care.
As much as people may assure you of their presence or the reliability of absolutely anything under the sun, there are no guarantees except the ones you buy with gadgets. Under no circumstances am I suggesting that people might not mean what they say when they assure you of things but times change, people change, circumstances are more fluid than anything. What stands true in this moment might be null in the following one. See point number 16

11. Work is your best friend
It really is! It gives back as much as you give in, Sometimes more, others less but the median lies well within the range of equilibrium. It is loyal, helpful, rewarding, empowering and enriching. Work if adopted passionately and wholeheartedly, pretty much IS your best friend.

12. Travel, it clears your mind
Traveling is by far the biggest soul purge I have experienced. As much as I hate plane rides and airport sprints, I still can't get enough of the high of landing in a new place and that first breath you take full of a new place's air filling up your insides with all that the place has to offer. You breathe in its soul with which comes the stories of all that air has touched. Travel is more of a spiritual journey for me than physical. As much as I love flowers and fresh air, the spiritual side of travel is what holds my heart in a fist and keeps me intoxicated for days after.

13. Goals are important- write them down
I hardly ever write goals down. I mean on paper. In black and white. However, whenever I do, they have a scarily awesome way of coming true. SO choose carefully but do write some of the most important goals short term and long term in a notebook, a piece fo paper or a word document somewhere in the nook of your belongings. They have a way of surprising you. Be specific about short term goals and be understanding about long term goals for the former are more achievable and quicker to respond however the latter have a way of changing importance or interest even for yourself so be forgiving and accept the changes in those over time.

14. Stay Connected
Connection with God and His lovers is perhaps the only thing that pulls you through when nothing else makes sense or holds value for you any more. It is important to have focus, whether or not you believe in the same God as I do but divinity or no divinity, focusing on the Almighty and feeling the connection whether it is to God or the Universe and its functions brings reason to your existence. Embrace it and never let it slip.

15. Enable
Enable those who surround you. Help them learn something you have learned through your journey, more often than never you will learn something back from theirs. Enable, empower and get out of their way, let them soar and your heart will soar with them. Promote entrepreneurship. It is important- Either take it upon yourself or enable others embarking on it. It is a turbulent flight and they need all the support they can get. Be kind, be generous, be helpful and open your head and heart to all who wish to learn.

16. Embrace Change
Change is the only constant in life. The sooner in lif eyou embrace this fact, the better it is for you. Change enables growth which enables excellence and achievement. Newer avenues, propelling forward, the journey continues however you may perceive it, transition is what makes the world go round literally as well as figuratively. Open your heart to change and help others welcome it just as well. To infinity and beyond!!

17. Learn. Wherever you go, learn. All the frikkin time
Whether it's the nutrition information behind a cereal box or a magazine at the dentist's. A sign at the train station or work related courses. Learning has no parameters, keep on growing, keep on learning wherever you go. As soon as you make up your mind to learn something new or think differently about something each day, you start your journey towards a powerful, evolved tomorrow where the journey never ends.

18. Reading is your second best friend. 
Reading is your second best friend. Kindle, iBooks, real books, tabloids, evening papers, milk cartons. ALL. It makes you see the world from another person's eyes, explore their perception and marvel at how they function. It also helps you grow and enhance your own perception. Getting lost within the world of characters and their world is another addiction altogether that one can't quite wean themselves off but that's a story for another piece.

19. Being Honest
Ethics hurt. Being ethical bears a price and unless one has paid that price, one doesn't truly know the essence of honesty. It is however essential to adopt honesty and ethical behaviour under all circumstances, a part of your basic value system.

20. Work hard, party harder
Yes I am a workaholic. I work through days and nights and weeks at end and surprise myself too at the way I keep going but once I'm done with a wave, I need to let my hair down. It helps with the next wave of madness and I quite enjoy my crazy life. My partying may not always consist of a PARTY party, it may just be cheetos, vimto and a good movie. Or a cup of warm milk and a book, colouring books, crayola and some good classical music or just a weekend long slumber party by myself. Though sometimes, I just PARTY party, which is okay too. Whatever works! ;)

21. Welcome transition
Following through from embracing change, life changes through its paths and this journey takes us places we never imagined. The one thing we must never forget is the fact that no matter how wide eyed a new transition in life may leave us, the only way forward is through it. You can't skip it or go around it, you must power through it all. So welcome any and all transitions in life, it inevitably leads to most things bright and shiny and a truck load of learning on the way as a bonus.

22. Love Unconditionally
Love unconditionally- give give give and don't expect anything in return no matter what people say. Shit happens. People you lvoe will come to your rescue and warn you to do this differently and do that. Hear them out for they speak out of love, however don't allow them to change the way you love. Love unabashedly, unconditionally and at your most vulnerable. If you're unable to do that and have fears then you are not ready to love and need to heal. SO take time off and heal for as long as you deem fit but when you get back on that bandwagon where you love people around you whether it is parents, siblings, partners, do it right, do it wholeheartedly give it your all. Be vulnerable. Love is always vulnerable. Be unconditional, don't ever expect anything back for it and you will achieve heights of contentment  you could never have imagined otherwise. "I love you and it is no concern of yours" so says Shelley and so must you love. Give it a shot, I'm positive you'll be hooked for life.

23. Stay soft
I repeat, shit happens. It instills fears in us, fear of the unknown, of the known and of the anticipated. It is almost knee jerk to become jaded and toughen up. That is the natural defence mechanism and much welcome too, however, don't just stay there. Break out of it. Mourn and grieve but then step out of it and back to your soft self. Never lose the softness of heart that we were born with, don't allow anything or anyone to take that away from you. It is difficult to maintain it. It is definitely a lot of conscious, hard effort but do it, and do it right. It is the best thing you can do for yourself.

24. Stay Wild
To be fully human is to be wild. It does not by any stretch of imagination mean to abandon domesticity however it pertains to listening to what your bloodstream whispers to you, the learnings it has brought down from your ancestors, the subconscious, the freedom of soul and the primal roar of the inner human we all bear. Be fearless, always. Throw caution to the wind where matters of passion and creativity surface for these are the pawns of the wild side. Always always nurture your wild side and keep it alive for that is what keeps us human.

25. Bucket Lists
I've found bucket lists to be very entertaining, super fluid and very energising. They give me purpose on a long tiring day, they give me something to plan on a day I wish to relax, they give me reason to keep propelling forward. They also remind me of the inevitable end, so I must tick off a few every now and then. Bucket lists make you go on. So, go on!

26. Write a will
Not that I have plenty to leave but in addition to worldly belongings if any, write letters to loved ones, be organised so those left behind don't have to scramble for instructions on what to do. Make it easy for them.

27. Write- to pull people up (must start)
Recent advice from a dear friend. Write for people, you can keep writing for yourself but do write for people, this piece being the first of that series, I hereby jump ship from just ranting my heart out to actually writing whatever I learn each passing day, to give you a peek inside my perception and database warehouse so you may pick a thing or two and leave a few. Our tables must remain dynamic and accommodating at all times. Software lingo must stop (clearly I'm missing work too much!)

28. Believe in Love
Never cease believing in love, come hail or shine, continuing from the Stay Soft bit up there, love is what actually makes everything go around and settle where it does. Always believe in the magical abilities of love, it shows up when you're least expecting and surprise you with its resilience and unadulterated squeaky clean purity. Just like nothing ever went wrong. Love does heal all, mend all and solve all.

29. Keep a dream journal. Always (Must start)
I've been contemplating keeping a dream journal with bifurcation between dreams that you see when you sleep and dreams that you wish to pursue in life. It must get things so straightened up (organisational freak inside me yelps in delight)

30. Keep a gratitude journal. Always (Must start)
So important. I need to start right away. A dear dear friend suggested this to me last year and I still haven't gotten around to doing it. Just scribble three things each day that you're grateful for. The more the merrier but minimum three. It has its reputation for being life changing. I want to. So should everyone. Counting our blessings can never be a bad thing right?

31. Stay fit. Your body is your temple
This really should go up there with water and sleep, I wish I could say this with more gusto and a deep Morgan Freeman type voice so it makes more of an impact but really, keeping a check on your fitness levels at all times, through life is the biggest favour you will do to yourself and those around you. Keep at a fitness regime not for temporary goals or to lose weight or some short term event belly pooch tuck in. Stay fit to feel better, feel energised, keep the metabolism running. My goal for my 34th year, build muscle. I think I have none! That must be fixed. Also Vitamin D and Iron.. also regular blood tests. Keep a check on everything that can go wrong a) owing to your gene pool b) because of your habits (alcohol, sedentary lifestyle, overeating etc.)

32. Value Friends
If I have to define my one super power, that would perhaps be my friends. I am blessed with a stellar lot who would jump in a fire to rescue me if need be and I would do the same for them. Value them All of them. Choose the good ones, you get a whole lot of spam too, but once chosen then value them like gold in a safe. Old ones, new ones, mezzanine, potential, absolute strangers! Value those you click with. They are rare.

33. Forgive- Smile & Wave
As much as I struggle with this one at the outset, I do actually forgive people without noticing it myself. For me it does not have to be conscious effort. After a while things just fade into nothingness for me and they just cease to matter. I call that forgiveness. I don't hold anything against anyone who has hurt me in the past. I'm glad that part of my life whether it were years or a few moments of someone just being rude to my face, is over and really, after a while I am just indifferent towards it. It's a beautiful feeling to know there's all of that extra burden that I would've been carrying if this auto shift to back burner function of mine didn't work as efficiently. Try it, carrying a grudge is a hassle. Let it go. Come out of your experiences wiser, more careful and cautious, don't make the mistake of trusting the same people unless they clearly show signs of change and your gut agrees (trust the damned gut!) but really, try and forgive. It's refreshing to say the least. Smile and wave, just smile and wave.


David Foster Wallace said

“I am now 33 years old, and it feels like much time has passed and is passing faster and faster every day. Day to day I have to make all sorts of choices about what is good and important and fun, and then I have to live with the forfeiture of all the other options those choices foreclose. And I'm starting to see how as time gains momentum my choices will narrow and their foreclosures multiply exponentially until I arrive at some point on some branch of all life's sumptuous branching complexity at which I am finally locked in and stuck on one path and time speeds me through stages of stasis and atrophy and decay until I go down for the third time, all struggle for naught, drowned by time. It is dreadful. But since it's my own choices that'll lock me in, it seems unavoidable--if I want to be any kind of grownup, I have to make choices and regret foreclosures and try to live with them.”

― David Foster Wallace, A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again: Essays and Arguments

Time does pass you by but figuring out the opportunity cost of some things over the other and taking the leap just-in-time is the art that makes us grown up. So basically growing up is learning how to juggle best. Split second decision making, multitasking, never let the ball fall, etc. 

More next year (faints at the mere thought!)