Happy Birthday my love

I don't remember you like this but I remember going through that album you made with all your heart and soul while you put every bit of it together. Day after day. That labour of love is still fresh in my heart. This picture reminds me of that. And the (ever hidden) love you had for your siblings.
It's been 18 years since I heard your voice. We last spoke this day in 1998 when I wished you a happy 85th birthday and you joked about making you an extra year older. We promised we will celebrate once I was done with my exams. Guess what. Exams never end, do they? You had to go, though you've always been around ever since. I can feel your hand on my forehead and your smile shining through the darkest of nights. When I'm happy, I can hear your loud outburst of laughter that would only grace us when you "won" something over me. A bet, a joke, something between us. Though today marks the day when we last laughed together.
Sometimes I feel I would've had a much easier life had you been around. Your overbearing, relentless protective self. Though I won't have turned into a mini you then. Almost OCD on details, meticulous with every bit of planning, documenting, checking, double checking all locks and bolts at night. And like you, all alone in doing all of that. Never in my wildest of imagination did I think that I'll one day become as sarriyal as you but guess what? God makes you be everything you say you'd "never" be. With age, this realisation increases and in some weird ways I feel I understand you more. Everything you ever said that I'd nod to and mutter against in my head (not daring to disagree out loud), each one of those prove true.
I'm slowly turning into you. Which is a very scary thought. Though I'd love to have had those gorgeous legs. (Why am I stuck with Dadi jaan's legs? I want yours! Ugh!). I don't want to swear as often, though people? Yeah. I get why you'd swear. Look at the people around us?
Your security trainings are so deeply embedded, I can't dig them out of my system and continue making lives miserable around me over them. Just like you did. Same old shit. With added "attractions" based on similar logic.
I think you would've REALLY enjoyed internet at full bloom. Reduces the need to socialise or step out of your room *high five* and Internet banking! Yay to no bank trips!
I miss you dada jaan. With every passing year, I feel you're the only one who would accept me as I am and loved all my quirks. Because THEY'RE YOURS. UGH!
You gorgeous man, inside out.
I love you. With all my bratty self.
Happy birthday.